December 2007
6 entries
Oh, Canada.
12.29 at 10:10 | comments (2)

You'd think a guy who apparently has his shit together more than any other presidential candidate wouldn't be dipping his whick in automated astroturfing.

Still, it beats Hillary's The Issues Are What I Say They Are approach, and stomps her Entitled Bitch attitude towards dining. "It takes a government to raise a child" apparently extends to "It takes a staff member to tip the waitress."

AvP2
12.29 at 09:52 | comments (0)

06:34 -!- _Lasar changed the topic of #loc to: The facts were these:
06:37 <@solios> heh.
06:37 <@solios> let's go shopping in the human mall!
06:37 <@_Lasar> I don't wanna, humans suck
06:37 <@_Lasar> Speaking of suck.
06:37 <@_Lasar> I saw AVP2 yesterday.
06:38 <@solios> oh?
06:38 <@solios> was it full of GOO?
06:38 <@_Lasar> Sure as hell.
06:38 <@_Lasar> If you like people and Aliens being torn apart, go see it.
06:38 <@solios> did it suck less than AVP1?
06:38 <@_Lasar> There wasn't much else to it
06:38 <@solios> that's all AVP1 should have been.
06:38 <@_Lasar> I don't even remember much of 1
06:38 <@_Lasar> But I think it sucked more.
06:39 <@_Lasar> They didn't even _pretend_ to have a "story".
06:39 <@solios> instead, Stay Puft predators and Bad Backstory
06:39 <@solios> sweet.
06:39 <@_Lasar> Let me sum up the movie
06:39 <@_Lasar> - Spacecraft with an Alien/Predator hybrid and a bunch of hand-thingie aliens crash on earth
06:40 <@_Lasar> - Mountain town is decimated
06:40 <@_Lasar> - Gubment drops bomb on town
06:40 <@_Lasar> - The end
06:40 <@_Lasar> No, scratch that
06:40 <@_Lasar> - Dumb joke
06:40 <@_Lasar> - The end
06:41 <@_Lasar> Oops, forgot that a Predator comes to earth to battle the hybrind and the aliens.
06:41 <@_Lasar> But that hardly mattered.
^_^
12.13 at 22:43 | comments (2)
jen_graduation_1.jpg jen_graduation_2.jpg
Special Relativity
12.11 at 15:00 | comments (0)
11:22 <@solios> HOW is it after two.
11:22 <@solios> I got home at 7am, and that was, like, an hour ago.
11:23 <@ejp> you fail TIME
11:24 <@xeno> solios: you should sleep slower
11:24 <@xeno> special relativity and all.

I swear, my sense of time and my biorhythm have been abducted by Trafalmadorians. Or was. Or will be. Or whatever.

Tin Man
12.04 at 09:44 | comments (2)
06:22 <@solios> this is fucking horrible.
06:22 <@xeno> yes.
06:22 <@solios> (I'm like....
06:22 * solios checks
06:22 <@ejp> I liked it ok.
06:22 <@solios> ten minutes in)
06:22 <@xeno> what gave it away? Sci-Fi Original?
06:23 <@ejp> solios: oh. it gets better.
06:23 <@solios> and it's all Setup and Exposition Badly Disguised As Dialogue
06:23 <@xeno> that's as far as I got.
06:23 <@xeno> exposition--
06:24 <@ejp> while I agree that Tin Man is a little heavy handed with the exposition, it is helpful
06:24 <@xeno> exposition--
06:24 <@xeno> always.
06:29 <@solios> ejp: I dunno, this is, so far, 15 minutes of doing Incredibly Badly what The Original did Incredibly Well in 5.
06:29 <@xeno> took me forever to convince it to go away
06:29 <@solios> this is like Lexx tried to do an Oz episode.
06:29 <@xeno> solios: just stosadjklfas;df
06:29 <@xeno> fuck you i liked Lexx.
06:29 <@xeno> but yeah, the comparison stands.
06:55 <@solios> THE ACTING. >_<
06:55 <@xeno> STOP WATCHING IT
06:55 <@xeno> dumbass
06:55 <@solios> no
06:55 <@solios> it's the only thing making me feel good about the current ATC page. :P
06:55 <@xeno> asdklfj;asdfj
06:55 <@xeno> solios++
06:56 <@solios> too many things I need to (easily) fix after I wake up.

Bad writing. Really incredibly bad acting, which indicates really incredibly bad directing. Adequate production design that doesn't mean shit given the bad writing and the really bad acting. This is somewhere below Phoning It In. Possibly even somewhere below porn.

Some good concepts, a decent score... the thing that's keeping my interest, oddly enough, is that Tin Man has a very Dark Tower feel to it. Not the "painkillers and pop culture" flavor of the last couple of books, but the "long after Mad Max" vibe of the second and third installments. And that might turn out to be a good thing.

Inventory
12.04 at 08:48 | comments (0)

I've reviewed a few of these before - this is intended as a rapid-fire rundown of every game I've bought for use with my DS since I purchased it in September of 2006. I've been thinking about doing this since the summer, though I'd have a hard time telling you why. I think it's a blog thing. Or some kind of anal-retentive list-making thing. Games are in alphabetical order and linked to wikipedia entries, with one exception.

Nintendo DS Games

Advance Wars : Dual Strike (Intelligent Systems, published by Nintendo) : A fun little turn-based strategy game that is as wide as it is shallow (read : a short main game but lots of side options, custom colors, practice maps, multiplayer, etceteras), with a "hard" mode that really ought to be called "Brutal Assrape." I will almost certainly buy the Sequel, hoping that unlike AW:DS, every map of the single-player campaign doesn't start with an unskippable turorial-lecture.

Castlevania : Dawn Of Sorrow (Konami) : In my opinion, C:DoS is as good as Symphony Of The Night, if not better. Bitching 80's MIDI, excellent gameplay, fantastic graphics... this game is good. This game is, in fact, a great example of what's wrong with modern platformers in that it possesses none of the elements Bad Platformers embrace. Yes, it could have either made better use of the touchscreen or have not used it at all, but that's a nit. Seriously. A nit. C:DoS is one of the better Castlevanias. Period.

Castlevania : Portrait Of Ruin (Konami) : In some ways better than C:DoS, in some ways not, C:PoR has more whip, less water, easier (read: better) level grinding, roughly the same volume of one-off "works great with the premise but only does it just that once wtf!!!".... ultimately, the only thing that keeps C:PoR from being better than C:DoS is that PoR has an incredibly gay zombie animation.

Children Of Mana (Squenix) : Picture Diablo. Now picture it with maybe a dozen maps, no random generation, four weapons, all of the repetition and none of the fun. This game SCREAMS of unrealized potential. Great graphics, great game mechanics, decent story.... all shat on by too few weapons, not enough magic (actually a really shitty magic mechanic), and incredibly stale, shitty dungeon "variety." Brand loyalty is really the only reason to buy this game - and given the Mana series tendency to shit out the weakest titles in the Squenix arsenal, that doesn't say much. If you want to play a good Mana game, get an emulator package for the DS and play the SNES Secret Of Mana. It's better in every conceivable way. And this isn't my fanboy preference for FF6 over FF7 talking - we're talking gameplay, we're talking story, we're talking pure unadulterated enjoyment. For serious.

Cooking Mama (Majesco) : Incredibly cute graphics overlay what is ultimately a big demo of the DS's touchscreen capabilities. I can't play it for more than a few minutes without cramping up, and I can't actually do well in the game thanks to dexterity / fine motor limitations. There's a reason my linework is as simple as it is: it has nothing to do with laziness, and everything to do with why I suck at Cooking Mama.

Dragon Quest Heroes : Rocket Slime (Squenix) : Elements of Super Marios Bros. 2 bred with elements of The Legend Of Zelda. Great gameplay, great message, one glaring flaw - there's only one save slot. Give me two or three so I can loan it out or let my roommates play it, please!

Final Fantasy III (Squenix) : Aesthetically gorgeous, but the gameplay is another story - what we have here is the FF Job System - as seen in FF5 and the Tactics series - in its first incarnation. This is ultimately only of interest to the oldskool hardk0re gamer set, as the original job system is horrifically limited - whatever job you're using has nothing that influences any other job in any way, so you wind up with a bunch of novelty classes that are ultimately completely useless once you settle into a specific combat style. Despite its limitations, it's still a pretty solid game... though ultimately, FF3DS serves as more as a nicely retouched example of The Old School than it does as a new entry into the Squenix stable.

Final Fantasy Fables : Chocobo Tales (Squenix) : This isn't a game. At all. It's a GUI-slash-story framework for a load of touchscreen-only minigames, all of which handle differently, some of which are fun, most of which are not. The game also includes a CCG-style combat system that fans of Magic : The Gathering and other CCGs may well enjoy, but comes across as drawn-out and tedious to anyone else. Chocobo Tales is amazingly cute, but it's just not a game I can immerse myself in or even, unfortunately, enjoy. Your mileage will almost definitely vary - the big failing for me is that this game has simply too many styles of game play. I'm not a mini-games kind of guy, so a game that's made out of mini-games (some kind of mini-game ur-golem) is over the top.

Front Mission (Squenix) : Crack. Sheer, unadulterated CRACK. I haven't had this much fun since I picked up Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. The only snag is that the game has a Castlevania-style "New Game +" mode that preserves levels and inventory.... but it preserves the story, too. Meaning your second, third, etceteras time through you'll be spending more time waiting for plot to get out of your face than you will punching trucks. Give me a Terse Mode, please. That one imperfection aside, I want more Front Mission. This one took twelve years to make it to the states. Let's have some Front Mission 2, please! Faster would be better!

Lunar Knights (Konami) : Could have become one of my favorite DS games if only the mandatory piece of shit Raiden-on-PCP shooter sequences used the crosskey and not the touchscreen. A "b" for the Isometrics and a solid "0%" for the shooter sequences - a game I'll never, ever be able to finish. Fuck you, Konami. Fuck you and your QA department. And fuck Hideo Kojima for throwing absolutely impossible twitch elements into games that are not twitch games. :P

Mario Kart DS (Nintendo) : Much like the original, the computer cheats like a two dollar whore with a spastic colon and a carton of uppers. The real fun - nay, the only fun - is in the multiplayer. Which I haven't indulged in since October of 2006.

Metroid Prime : Hunters (Nintendo Of America*) : Equal parts Fun and Frustrating, Detailed and Short, Interesting and Idiotic. A game that does nothing at all to prepare you for the last boss - consequently, a game I've never beaten.

New Super Mario Bros. (Nintendo) : A solid traditional platformer, its enjoyability is marred only by the fact that you have to beat the game in order to earn the ability to quickly and conveniently save anywhere. While this thwarts the game's portability, it doesn't seriously impact its enjoyability. Admittedly, I haven't revisited it since the fall of 2006.... but that's only because better titles - titles in genres I deeply enjoy as opposed to occasionally wade in - have come along.

Sim City DS (Electronic "Arts") : I actually paid money for this piece of shit. I have never, ever played a console RTM that has been this sluggish, this slow, this unresponsive. Candidate for eighth wonder of the world is the fluke that got this steaming turd through quality assurance and out into the wild. Even with Sword Of Mana on the "Why do I OWN this?!" list.

Pokemon Diamond (Nintendo) : Crack for a decent amount of time. Best summed up by this VG Cats comic. Such a slow-paced grind that replay value is nonexistent for me... but now I know the allure of Pokemon. It was fun, but if all the other installments handle like this I figure I can stop here, enjoyment had, and call it good.

Game Boy Advance Games

Castlevania : Aria Of Sorrow (Konami) : Dawn Of Sorrow with 8 bit graphics and a shittier, crampier interface. While it's a good game I still haven't beaten, you'll get more mileage out of C:DoS and C:PoR.... and if you have C:AoS in the GBA slot of the DS when you start a C:DoS game, you'll get a nice little bonus item.

Final Fantasy I & II : Dawn Of Souls (Squenix) : If you're going to buy two of the FF re-releases, make FF6A the first and this the second. I've gotten more than my money's worth out of this cartridge.

Final Fantasy IV Advance (Squenix) : FF IV, only with a glitchy airship, weird battle timing, and "extras" that don't do much. Feels like a practice run for FF5A and FF6A. Definitely looking forward to the DS remake, as it'll allegedly include more story. This is good, as anyone who's played through IV can tell you it feels like a few corners were cut. Ten pounds of world in a five pound bag, etc. Fun fact: I wrote fanfic of this game when I was a kid. Yes, fanfic. Fortunately it is lost to the ages.

Final Fantasy V Advance (Squenix) : The original SNES version of this game wasn't released in the US for a reason. The gameplay is a rudimentary step between FF3 and FF Tactics, and Tactics is far, far better. It's not that FF5 is a bad game... it's just that FFT is way better. Which skews things a bit.

Final Fantasy VI Advance (Squenix) : FF6 is still the best Final Fantasy story I've read. The Advance incarnation seamlessly adds in a few new Espers and a couple of bitchingly hard bonus dungeons that you'll have to locate with a handbook or FAQ file, and there's some very serious slowdown with the Palidor esper and with some tools, environmental effects, and battle effects... but all in all, FF6A is the bees knees. The only downside is that all monster, esper, and equipment names are the original Japanese versions, which confuses years of ingrained gameplay.

Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (Squenix) : Crack. Was crack, is still crack. By far my favorite straight-to-GBA game. 80+ hours of playtime kinds of favorite.

Golden Sun : The Lost Age (Camelot) : If you didn't play the first installment (I haven't), or if you don't cheat to trick the game into thinking you've played the first installment (I didn't, but I was sorely tempted), you're going to miss out on quite a bit. One of those games that does absolutely nothing to prepare you for the last boss, which fights like nothing else in the game. A refreshing change of pace from Squenix fare, and a good mix of elements of Dragon Quest, Phantasy Star, and Final Fantasy.

The Legend of Zelda : A Link To The Past (Nintendo) : A hugely adequate port of the SNES Zelda installment. The GBA screen res cramps the gameplay in one part of one dungeon (it's a hookshot puzzle), but otherwise it is the original.

The Legend of Zelda : The Minish Cap (Nintendo) : Much more fun than A Link To The Past. Except for the last boss guy, who's a real pain in the ass - multiple battles spread out without the ability to save in between. Other than that, fun! Much more social interaction than Zelda 3, a bit more of a story, and very satisfying puzzle-play.

Sword Of Mana (Squenix) : Bad hair. Bad, bad hair. The hair symbolizes the gameplay, design, and overall quality of this horrible remake of a classic Game Boy title that doesn't deserve this kind of abuse.


* As opposed to the real Nintendo, which would explain why MP:H is basically Quake II with a Metroid skin.